Different Version of New Moon
by Angie853
Summary: After Edward leaves, Bella does reckless and dangerous things nearly getting herself killed. But rather than dying she gets turned into a vampire. Now, 300 years later she returns to Forks. What will happen if Edward returns to Forks in an attempt to find Bella and beg for forgiveness. Will Bella be able to forgive Edward and trust him or is the past too painful to be left behind.
1. Prologue & After He Left

**Prologue**

"Of all the things we can feel with our minds and bodies, severe pain is the purest, for it drives everything else from our awareness and focuses us as perfectly as we can ever be focused." –Dean Knoontz (Dark Rivers of the Heart)

**Bella**

Pain!... It's agonizing, excruciating, and unbearable! _He_ was right; it made me scream out for death. But I put that all to the side. It didn't even matter because no matter how much it hurt and how piercing the pain was it couldn't compare to the crushing of my heart or the hole in my chest that was there now because _he_ left!

_He_ told me—no _he_ promised me it would be as if _he_ never existed and in return asked that I do nothing dangerous. _He_ didn't want me because I was just a simple human, not good enough for him. Well, _he_ broke his promise so in return I broke mine. My plans may have been ruined but at least after this I will never be just a simple human again!

* * *

**After He Left**

"I wipe away my tears and nod, because the pain in my leg is nothing compared to the one in my heart." –Wendelin Van Draanen

"Sometimes the memories are worth the pain." –Unknown

**Bella**

It seems everyone has given up on me. They used to try and hang out or just talk but I basically ignored them. It was easier that way. They tried to make me feel better; to get me to come back to life but it was no use. There was a big emptiness in my chest that only _he_ could fill!

It's been months since _he_ left! Months since I saw _his_ face and heard _his_ voice. But I found a way to finally fix that. To finally be able to hear _his_ beautiful velvet voice! Perhaps it will be at the cost of my life but I simply don't care anymore. Life without _him_ is just too painful!

How did I discover this method to hear _his_ voice? Well, I first found out while riding bikes with Jake then I tested my theory twice, once while out with Jessica and then jumping off a cliff. So here I am now in a club in Seattle trying surrounded by drunken men and loud really loud music but I don't even notice. All I hear is _his_ voice.

One might ask how I got here but the truth is that I don't even know. I was simply walking dazed along the streets of Seattle when I found myself here. Now that I know that danger is what causes _his_ voice to reappear my subconscious seems to have no problem finding the danger!

"Hi sweet thing," a man who came out of nowhere says but I'm not paying attention to the man. No what I pay my attention to is _him_ where _he_ is right beside the guy yelling at me in anger.

"_Bella GO! GET OUT OF HERE!" he shouts. Then in frustration adds, "Remember what you promised me!"_

Yes, I do remember but it's just too hard to live WITHOUT YOU I wanna shout back but I don't want to break the illusion.

"_If not for me then for Charlie, PLEASE!" he's begging now. "Please get out of here, NOW!" Then rages and snarls "no!"_ as the man puts a hand on my thigh and moves it towards the center of my body. _"NO! NO! NO! BELLA DO SOMETHING; GET OUT OF HERE! DO YOU HEAR ME?" _Of course, why do you think I'm still here? _"GET OUT OF HERE, RIGHT NOW!"_

Then I realize that I have to leave cuz as the man is putting a hand inside my pants and sucking hard on my neck _he_ goes into a wild rage. So loud in fact that my ears start to hurt, almost as if they might explode from the high volume. Somehow, although how I myself don't know, I managed to untangle myself and get out safely. But the farther I go the less I hear _him_. But I see a railroad ahead and hear the sound of a train coming this way. YES! I think as I head toward them

Almost instantly _he's_ back! _"Bella, NO!"_

But I don't listen and this time I risk talking to _him_. "Yes," I say.

"_Bella don't do this, think of Charlie, Renee, and everyone," he begs me_

"They're strong," I simply reply. I'm standing on the tracks now facing the sound of the train.

"_Then think of me," he pleads, "Remember, that promise you made me. Please, don't do this."_

"I am thinking of you. Why do you think I'm standing here, now?" I answer as the train gets into my line of vision now and moving in fast. "As for the promise, you broke yours first. Now I'm breaking mine so we'll be even."

"_Bella, NO! GET OFF THE TRACKS!" he _yells as the train gets nearer and nearer and nearer. "_GET OFF NOW!" _And at the last second I jump off and the train zoomed past me.

Just when I think I'm safe _"NO!"_ and I feel a stinging, burning as I'm bitten lightning fast on my wrist. On the exact same spot where James bit me.

Even as the excruciating pain begins all I can think about is _him_. And that's how I spend those painful three days of my life. Remembering every second of my life with _him_ and every detail about _him_ and _his _features. So I'll have _him_ forever locked away in my brain and to make the pain more bearable.


	2. Pain and Loneliness

"Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet." –Unknown

**Bella (145 years later)**

It's been so long since I've last seen _him_ and _his_ family. I still don't know who changed me that day. It was so fast and blurry I didn't see the face.

[start of flashback]

When the three days were finally up all I felt was hunger. It was nighttime and I was in an alley away from the tracks (I crawled there earlier to get away from the humans). I got up and headed lightning fast toward the forest to try and catch a deer or some animal to eat. I did not want to hunt humans.

After my feeding, which was horrendously messy by the way (I got blood everywhere), I decided to stay in the forest since it was daytime and sunny. Plus, if I waited till nighttime to move away there'd be less chances of me coming across a human. I remember what _he_ and _his_ family said about newborns and how they lack control so since I've decided to be a vegetarian like _him_ I'm not gonna take any chances. So it's been two or maybe three hours and that's when I smell it.

It's a very sweet scent that made my throat burn with hunger. I run toward it but then immediately STOP when I realize that it's two, very human, hikers not far from. I immediately turn back and run until their scent is no longer in the air.

[end of flashback]

How did I manage to do that? I do not know. _He_ said that newborns had no control yet I had quiet a lot of it. To this day I had not killed a single human!

However, I am all alone. I am a nomad. I have lost all my friends and family ages ago and have not made new ones. Unless you count Rex, a stray German Shepherds who I came across or rather he came across me some two years ago as a puppy and wouldn't leave no matter what. I tried everything to shake him off. I even ran at vampire speed for several miles to get away from him. But after two weeks he found me again! After that, I felt sorry for the guy. After all, he was lonely just like me. All he was doing was looking for a companion in life, which if I'm being honest with myself I need just as well if not more!

I still feel the pain and emptiness whenever I think of _him_ but I realize that I should just let go. Problem is it's just to damn painful! I spent my entire existence traveling from place to place. Country to country, state-to-state, city to city.

I even came across Volterra once nearly a century ago. That's where I got spotted by Demetri and invited to meet the Volturi. I figured what the heck? It couldn't hurt to meet the leaders of the vampires, after all I am a vampire myself now. So I went and got introduced and as a bonus found out what my power is.

[flashback starts]

Dimitri led me to the main room where they were all sitting. First, I met Aro who immediately came to shake my hand.

"Astounding!" Aro proclaims. I did not know what he meant by this. "My dear what is your power?" he asks.

"My power?" I question. "I did not know I had one."

"My, my I wonder?" he says. "Jane"

I look to the girl, which stepped up and is now looking me in the eye. We stand like that me confused and after five or so seconds look to Aro who is watching amused. I turn back to Jane who lets out a frustrated yell.

"Excellent!" Aro exclaims to which Jane looks taken aback and insulted. "Wonderful, magnificent. My dear, what a shield! Perhaps, I could persuade you to join the Volturi?"

"A shield?" I ask ignoring the "join the Volturi" part.

"Yes, yes of course." he answers. "And a very powerful one at that. My, my I wonder if it is capable of expansion and what the limitations are. If only you agreed to stay you would become part of the Volturi guard and we'd be able to explore your gift more closely."

"A shield," I say wonderingly. So that's why _he_ couldn't read my thoughts, I realize, not saying anything.

"Dearest child, how old are? Tell me about yourself. How did you become one of us?" he insists

I tell him a bit about myself. About how I met and fell in love with _him_ making sure to edit some of the details here and there. Afterward, Aro asks me once again to join his guard but I decline. After some attempts at persuasion Aro lets me go reluctantly and tells me that if I ever change my mind the offer will still stand.

[flashback ends]

I sometimes wonder if I made the right decision and if I should go back. If I did I'd at least have some company, someone to talk to, something to do and distract myself from the awful pain and misery, to redirect my thoughts from _him_ and _his_ family.

Whenever I have some free time, which is often enough except for when I'm hunting or being bothered by Rex, I often think of _him_. And when I do I lie down in curled in a ball on the forest floor sobbing and screaming for _him_. For the love of my life and then I remember _that _night when _he_ told me _he_ didn't want me, that I was just a worthless human remembering _his_ promise to never come back. And I start to scream and thrash uncontrollably until Rex finds me and somehow, with much nuzzling and pawing, manages to calm me down and bring me back to reality.

So here I am now, in the forest just done hunting. I'm busy thinking about where I'm going to go next when Rex comes running up to me, he somehow knows to stay away when I'm hunting. He gestures for me to follow him and so I do wondering what the heck he's up to now.

That's when I see the woman who seems to have noticed me at precisely the same time. "Please," she says. "Take care of them." And as I look closely, not even five seconds have passed, when something—no a baby, breaks out of her stomach. He just rips his way out and crawls toward my dog that he proceeds to bite. I quickly run up and take him away from Rex, but before I can do anything I notice another baby, a girl this time ripping her way out of her mother. It doesn't take long for me to realize that the woman was human and they are clearly part vampire. So where's the father?

As I am wondering this Rex is writhing in pain on the ground. It seems the boy has venom. Can dogs change into vampires? Guess we're about to find out. The little girl is crawling over to me then sits next to me raising her arms to me. But that's not what rips me away from my thoughts. No what does is her and her bother, who is snuggling himself into me, both at the same exact time opening their cute little mouths and saying…

"Momma!"


	3. Too Late

"Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly... and if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." –WM. Young (The Shack)

**Edward (same time period as previous chapter)**

Her sweet scent of blood that sings or rather… _sang_… to only me. Her clumsiness and her ability to trip over a flat surface or simply her own feet. Her soft, delicate, and very breakable skin. Her lack of fear and self-preservation. Her stubbornness, absurdness, and danger magnetism. These are all just a very, very, very few; I could go on naming things for another century.

But most of all I miss her love! I had not even realized how much the three simply words, "I love you," meant to me when they were coming from my beloved, until it was too late. I had not realized how much I needed those words, until it was too late. I had not realized how much I needed her touches and caresses, until it was too late! I had not realized just how much it would affect me to see and know that she believed all my lies. To know that she believed I didn't want or care for her anymore; that she wasn't going to fight this… for me, for us; that she had given up on me and by giving up on me also giving up on us.

The pain is too unbearably, agonizingly excruciating to even begin to describe. But a normal human being would have been dead if he felt so much as a fifth of what I am feeling. And that's not even the worst part. No the worst part is the possibility that she found someone else. Someone who gave her the love that I denied her. Someone who filled her life with happiness and joy after my leave. Someone who gave her the things that I could never, no matter how much I wanted to, give her. Someone who could sleep with her… intimately… and be one with her. Someone who could fill her womb with _his _child and watch proudly as she carried his growing child within her. Someone who could marry her and have many children running, playing around the house. Someone who could be with her, and grow old with her until they die.

I'm sorry did I say that was the worst part. Well, I lied. The definite worst part is knowing that I could have had _most_ of those things. That it could have been me holding her and caressing her. That it could have been me she married and bought a house with… if I had just stayed!

Unfortunately, all of this occurred to me too late because when I finally returned for her, to beg and plead for her forgiveness and love, she wasn't there. She was gone!

[flashback starts]

It was on one of the many painful nights, about a year; since I left her that I decided to come back. I had been through so much pain that I finally broke. I needed her back in my arms where she belonged, to be able to call mine once again this time for forever. I was going back for her and nothing and no one was going to stop be.

My phone rang but I ignored it. It was probably Alice or someone else from my family. I had not spoken to or even visited them after I had left Bella. It was just too painful to be around them and see how happy they are together with their mates and at the same time hear their thoughts as to Bella and me. I would fix things with them later but first I need to get Bella back!

I raced to my Volvo, faster than I've ever run before, and sped off toward the nearest airport. Once there, I, as Bella would put it, dazzled the flight attendant to put me on the next flight to Washington. In Washington, I quickly proceeded to steal the fastest car in sight and peeled off toward Forks trying to come up with what to say to Bella to get her to forgive me and take me back. I made it to her house in record time precisely at midnight and, after making sure Charlie was asleep, climbed up to her room. There I was faced with an emptiness I could not even begin to describe. The room seemed the same with all the things still in the same places. But it looked like it hadn't been touched for some time, like it wasn't being occupied anymore. I had expected to see Bella asleep on the bed and hoping to lie down next to her, instead what I found was an empty bed with the covers made. Her scent was still there but it was very faint like she wasn't here in a long time. I tried to listen for any sounds of Bella. Maybe, she just got up and went to the bathroom or kitchen. But as I listened I soon found out that that wasn't the case. So, hoping that it was just me going insane from being away from her for too long, I went out and stealthily searched the house. After searching every corner of the house I finally gave up and admitted to myself that she was gone!

This realization brought on a new sense of pain and outright panic. But that faded as soon as I realized that perhaps Charlie might know where she is and without even thinking I raced back outside and stood hammering like a wild man on the verge of dying if not answered. Charlie came outside exactly 8 minutes, 27 seconds, and 15 milliseconds later.

_"Him!_" Charlie, "_What, the hell does that no good… … … … … want here?!"_

I answered his thoughts out loud; "I need to speak with Bella, NOW, please!"

_"Why, that worthless… … …"_ Charlie, "She's not here and never will be as far as your concerned."

"Charlie, please I need to know where she is, I need to speak with her," I began to beg him.

_"Wouldn't tell him even if I knew!"_ Charlie, "Now you listen here boy…" he began. But I turned around and started walking back to my car. I had heard enough; Charlie didn't know where Bella was.

Now, there was nothing left for me to do but go back to my family and plead with Alice to help me find her before it's too late! I sped off to the Denali where I knew they'd be staying. There I was welcomed back home with stern and worried faces. Esme was the most worried and started to speak but I immediately tuned her out, rude but I'll make up for it once I get Bella back, turned to Alice.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said, "I tried to warn you but, of course you weren't answering your cell phone."

I ignored her cell phone comment and asked impatiently, "Where is she, can you see her?"

"Well, a while back I caught a vision of her that I didn't understand exactly. There was a train coming on fast and all of a sudden there was a blur and incredible pain," Alice stated

"Does that mean… Is she… … _dead_," I flinched as I said the word.

"No… you see that's the thing… it didn't look like she was dead so I kept looking," Alice continued, "and it was the type of pain that you and me… that all of us have felt… when we were… when we were," she hesitated, "…being turned."

"Bella she's a… she's a… …a vampire," I said slowly comprehending and wrapping my thoughts around what she was telling me. I didn't know what to feel: joy because she's still alive or anger because this was clearly done against her will. What if she changed her mind and didn't want to become a vampire to be eternally damned. It was a while before I finally asked, "Where is she?"

"I'm sorry, Edward. I tried to find her, I really did. But I just can't all I know is that right now she's in some kind of forest. That's all, I'm sorry," she kept apologizing for some time before I finally stopped her.

"Then we will start looking and keep searching until we find her, no matter how long it takes," I said, determined. Everyone agreed with me, even Rosalie. Apparently she's had enough of my gloominess and grouchiness. If getting Bella back was what would make me more bearable to be around she'd find her and deliver her right into my waiting arms.

And so we began to search all over the world for my, at least I hope she'll still be mine, Bella!

[flashback ends]

And so we searched all across America, Alice presumed she's still in the States, for Bella. We tried to follow Alice's visions whenever she had any but they were all very vague and unclear. We kept searching for her for nearly a century and a half until one day Alice's visions stopped all together.

We still don't know what could have happened. Was she somehow unreachable to Alice now? Was Alice away from Bella for too long that she could no longer see her? Was Bella in trouble? Was she purposely-blocking Alice? Or was she no longer… no longer… existent as in…de—… destroyed? The last two caused the most pain and I simply could not let myself dwell on them for too long without panicking. For it would mean that either she does not want us or rather me to find her or she is no longer among the living, or rather dead vampires, but gone on to wherever it is that us vampires go after the end of our existence. And, consequently, there is no life or existence left for me, here on Earth. And if I was 100 percent sure that she had moved on then I too would follow.

But Alice seems positive that Bella is still alive and in my long existence I've learned to never bet against Alice. One thing for certain is that if she is still existent then no matter how long it takes me to, I will find her!


	4. Love

"God gave us children to bring immeasurable joy and happiness into our lives." –Unknown

"Making the decision to have a child—it's momentous. It is to decide, forever, to have your heart walking around outside your body." –Elizabeth Stone

**Bella (205 years after previous chapter)**

"Mom, it's time to go," Daniel says. I look up from where I'm sitting in my office chair, see him standing in the doorway and smile. My how time flew by. Why it seems like it was only yesterday when I found them out in the woods. I knew, as soon as they said 'Momma', that I couldn't leave them out there. They were so small and so innocent and fragile that I could not simply abandon them.

But what could I do? For one, I didn't have a house or anything suitable for two kids to live in. Secondly, I wasn't their mother or of any relation to them so if I took them it would be kidnapping. And what about their father? Wouldn't he be worried or maybe he didn't even know that he had any kids? I mean _he_ said that vampires couldn't have kids so wouldn't it be safe to assume hat these kids' father thought the same. I considered this for a while. I could have gone to the police but what would I say… 'Hey, I was walking in the woods when I came across this woman who asked me to take care of these kids that just ripped their way out of her'? Yeah, like that would do any good. And plus the kids were, after all, part vampire so I couldn't just hand them over to humans. Then I figured that I could go searching for their father. But the kids will need care and what if I can't find him, or what if he's been destroyed, or worse what if he doesn't care about his children and decides he doesn't want them, what then? So I finally decided that I would be the one to raise them, like a foster mother. I went to look around and quickly managed to find an abandoned small house or rather small but cozy cottage. I've decided to stay near town in case the kids' father came looking for them and in hopes of finding more about the woman.

But in time we had to move because Daniel and Kelly, that's my baby girl's name, were getting older and older at a terrifying pace. It was heartbreakingly painful to watch as they aged. For I thought that they would surely die and I would be left alone again. But they always reassured me that they had no desire to die, that they wanted to be immortal so that they could stay with me. I, of course, told them all about vampires or at least all that I know. Then at one point we all decided that once they reached 18 I would bite them and change them into full vampires. I wasn't sure if this plan would work, I mean after all they're already half vampire, what if their bodies somehow reject the venom, but it was worth a try. However, we soon realized that this wasn't necessary because once they reached 17 they stopped aging all together. I had enrolled them in school but people would suspect something if we didn't move around every so often.

"…Mom! Are you even listening to me?," Daniel asks me getting slightly impatient.

"What? Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I guess I got lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?" I asked him.

Daniel's face turns serious as he asks, "you weren't thinking about _him_, were you?"

"No, no, I wasn't," I quickly assure him but I can already see the worried look cross his face as he searches mine to see if I'm lying or as I like to call it, covering up the truth for their own good.

Over the time that they've been with me they learned to tell when I'm lying and who the _he_ actually is. The first time I thought of _him_ after finding them was the hardest for all of us. They were physically about 2 years old. We had just found a meadow that looked so much like his meadow that I couldn't hold the pain in any longer and collapsed on the forest floor. This scared Daniel and Kelly so much that they started crying in fear and didn't know what to do. But of course that's when Rex, he gad made it through the change and was now an official vampire dog, showed up from wherever it is he had been, saw me, and ran over. Like previous times, he immediately started to nuzzle, lick, paw at, and eventually brought me back. Only this time it wasn't just him but also Daniel and Kelly who were trying to follow his lead and help me. I will never forget the pained and terrified looks on their faces and swore to myself then and there to never go out like that again. It got easier to think of _him_ as time went by and now that I had Daniel and Kelly it wasn't as painful, but I still from time to time got the mile, as the kids like to call it, 'attacks'. They usually happen when I'm alone for a longer period of time and have nothing to occupy my thoughts with. And of course Daniel and Kelly knew to never say _his_ name in front of me, no matter what. That I still haven't gotten over. I only ever said it once and that was when I was telling them my story when they demanded to know after one of my so-called 'attacks'.

"I was only thinking back to the time I found you and your sister out in the forest," I rush to add and see how he visibly calms down. Then I go on to tell them what I always tell them, "You and your sister saved me, you know that. Without you I'd have no one to live for and God himself only knows what would become of me. I used to think that I had no more love left to give. That I would never be able to love anyone more than _him_. But I was wrong because I love you both so very much it doesn't even begin to compare and I have absolutely no idea what I would do without you." This is where I start sobbing and if I could I would cry.

"Mom, you won't ever be without us. We'll always be here with you," Daniel reassures me.

"But what happens when you find your mates? You'll end up going with her and Kelly will go with her mate and I'll be all alone again," I answer sobbing louder.

"We'll never leave you and when we do find our mates we'll either stay here with you or take you with us," he responds. "And who knows maybe you'll find your mate too one day." He adds hopefully. Kelly agrees with me that due to the intensity of my love and pain _he_ was my mate but Daniel refuses to agree with us. He thinks that if _he_ was my mate he would never leave me and act so 'cruelly' as he put it. He cannot comprehend how anyone would leave his or her mate out in the forest not caring what becomes of him or her. Another thing is that he refuses to believe that fate or whatnot would leave me, his 'beloved mother', alone and mate less for eternity. So according to his logic my mate is still somewhere out there, I just haven't found him yet.

"Sweetheart, I know it is difficult for you to accept, but I already found my mate. It was _him_ and _he_ left me. I won't find anyone else. I'm going to be alone, without my mate for the rest of my existence," I explain to him again.

"You know I don't believe that. Someone like you deserves better then _him_," he argues with me.

"Let's not argue about this now. So, tell me what it was you were saying earlier when I was lost in my train of thoughts," I tell him.

"Fine," he sighs, "I came here to tell you that we're all packed and ready to leave, but are you sure you want to go back there now. It's not too late. We could still change the place."

"No, I'm sure. It's time I went back. I want to see everything, see how it's changed since I've last been there and visit some places," I reply, "Now, if your all ready then go get your sister and Rex and we'll be leaving. I've still got some things that I need o take from the office. I'll see you in the garage."

"Do you need any help?" he asks.

"No, I'm fine," I answer, "now, go and get everyone we'll be leaving in five minutes."

"Okay," he says as he hesitantly heads out. I reach out to the shelf in my desk where I keep all my journals and unlock it. I take the journals and photo albums all full of memories. Then I take out the CD _he_ gave me and put them all in a box then head to the garage. Daniel, Kelly, and Rex were already in the molten red Jeep Grand Cherokee, which was our family car. My polished slate Mazda 6 and black Ferrari F430, Daniel's black Jeep Wrangler and black mustang, Kelly's metallic black Porsche and blue Volkswagen Eos convertible, and our family orange Chevrolet Avalanche pickup truck were already being shipped to our destination along with my Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14, Kelly's MV Agusta F4 CC, Daniel's Suzuki Hayabusa, and our family Harley Davidson Sportster and 3 mountain/dirt motorbikes/motorcycles. I take my stuff and put it in the trunk and then get in the passenger seat as Daniel drives.

After what seems like forever we see the sign 'Welcome to Fork, Washington' and I can't help but feel anxious. Am I ready for this or is too soon? Did I make the right decision coming here after all these years?

"Mom are you okay?" Daniel asks noticing my distress. "We can always turn back if you want?"

"No, I'm fine," I answered him but my voice didn't sound convincing even to me.


End file.
